Friday, September 23, 2011

Wasted Time

You didn't love the boy too much,
no, no, you just loved the boy too well.
So you live from day to day, and you dream about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what
I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time
The Eagles

I wanted to write this week about an issue I have had to deal with over the last few years. It at times debilitates me, it at times drives me the exact opposite way it should, and it at times depresses the hell out of me. It also, has over the last few years, had me apologizing to a whole lot of women for actions of my gender. I assume I would hear the same thing from guys if only I had spent as much time around guys I have around girls at fitness camp. I wish there was an answer for it, because I truly think it effects virtually everybody at one time or another. I know a lot of people think about it as they get older and everybody thinks about it as they prepare for the end. Thankfully I'm not planning on preparing for the end anytime soon :) The issue is wasted time and the effect it has on you as you try to overcome the feeling that you have wasted a chunk of your life not being all you can be, not enjoying all life has to offer, not living and loving all you can, and not striving to be as happy as possible. I know there is certainly no blueprint for happiness. It's not that easy, but dwelling on the fact that some days, months or years went by without it does nothing to make today happier.
I had a really great life-coach meeting when I was at Fitness North. The life coach there is Kelly Krcmaric and the life coach session is included in your weekly session at no charge. Which is really good because otherwise I certainly wouldn't have met with her. She knows her stuff, that much was evident to me right away. We talked about how I suffer from feelings that much of my previous decade plus had been wasted because I was unwilling to try new things, go new places, see new things. I was so embarrassed by the way I looked, so ashamed that things 99% of the world took for granted I was petrified by. Every time I went out I was afraid someone would point, stare, mock me. It just became easier to stay home, watch TV and perpetuate what was making me miserable. No question the TV and the refrigerator didn't give a damn what I looked like. I skipped weddings, reunions, sporting events, and didn't meet friends I could have met. It bums me out. But like Kelly made me realize, having regrets is one thing, letting them haunt you is quite another. Because in reality there is nothing you can do about yesterday you can only change tomorrow. Thankfully I had the support of wonderful friends, family and my wife because I wasn't living. It still saddens me and I'm sure it always will. But with her help I promised that I would no longer let it influence me, insulate me from trying new things or influence the path I take in the future.
So by now you must be asking why exactly does that have you apologizing for your gender? Mostly because us men tend to not be the most caring, loving creatures that God created and I hear stories that make me shake my head in disbelief. And truly my one go to line when I am confronted with stories like this, is one I happily steal from The Eagles song 'Wasted Time'and rarely ever give them credit for. So if I have said it to you in the past and you thought I was extra smart, truth is I'm extra good at plagiarizing from those that make the big bucks coming up with with such great lines. I really love the the line " You didn't love the boy too much, no, no, you just loved the boy too well" I feel as if people fear wasted time, and they make decisions based on a fear that if they admit mistakes they are admitting wasted time. I do know that it is never a mistake to love someone with all your heart, and if they don't prove worthy of all your love you in no way wasted time loving.
So thanks to my new life coach I am pledging to no longer regret any of my former time that has passed me by. None of it was wasted time, because it was all necessary steps to get me to today. I can't change any of it now so regretting it is just a gigantic waste of time. What I can do is to try to continue living life to its fullest. Finding the right balance between fun and working hard, the right balance between what goes in my body and what I do to work it off. And of course loving with all my heart.
This is my friend Libby's horse Chance, she invited me out to meet him, Stetson and Lyric. I do really love horses and not just when they have a tiny man on them running in circles. I also want to thank my old college roommate for giving me 4 passes for the South Florida - Wisconsin volleyball match.Two things are for sure. I need to recruit some of those girls for my summer team, and volleyball on the hardwood is a much different game than sand. I had a great time and will for sure go back to see another match. Other than that more sand volleyball for me and the sand is getting colder. And I had a nice night with my friend Paul at the Gordon Lightfoot concert last week. If you could read my would be thinking Peace, Love and Unicorns, Jim


Sabine said...

WOW. you always make me think and reflect. I have been miserable for a few days because I live in a construction zone in my house with no end in sight.... (like 3 months) But in the bigger scheme of things? I walk on plywood and have food and drinks in the fridge. More than the majority of people. I will tackle the next day with more optimism thanks to your post. Hopefully more than just one . Thanks my friend

VAgirl said...

One of these days when you make it to VA I'm going to make you go visit my horse ;)

It was nice chatting with you. You are doing so well - keep up the great work!

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